38 Undateable Online Dating Profiles:
Quick Recap: I did an Experiment with my friend Bob Ladewig where we created 38 Undateable characters and tracked the results. It started with a Crazy Cat Lady and then spiraled into more characters. And a live stage show (#DateMe: An OkCupid Experiment).
But not all the characters could make the show. And the interactions are too funny (and Unbelievable!) not to explore.
Every Week I’m posting one of our FAKE Undateable characters. As well as some of the REAL verbatim interactions we had with OkCupid users.
It’s Halloween Month, So Let’s Get Magical.
That’s Right. This month we’re featuring our Spookiest Undateable profiles.
Without further ado…
Note: This is a Current Screenshot of his profile. Mark is 30 now, but four years ago when we did the actual experiment he was only 26.
His Real Name?
But I also had to create separate Email addresses for all the characters when I posted them to OkCupid. Let’s just pretend this Was NOT completely Insane and Obsessive behavior and move forward…
Mark’s Real Life Info:
Lives in – Seattle, WA, 98102
Birthday – September 15, 1986
Email – MagicMark86@yahoo.com
FUN/INSANE Fact: I originally only used Gmail to create the email addresses. But I did TOO MANY and Gmail would not allow me any more email addresses for my phone number. So I had to switch to Yahoo.
Here’s the FULL Profile:
Fun Fact: I’m pretty sure we listed Night Court as one of his favorite shows because the star Harry Anderson was a real life magician. As for Golden Girls… I dare anyone to judge that choice! That show still RULES.
The Profile Pictures:
One of my Favorite parts of the experiment was looking at the photos we took and adding Ridiculous captions based on the actors’ expressions.
MagicMarkTron was played by the fabulously talented and hilarious Chris Alvarado. I love what he brought to the table at this shoot (located in my tiny studio apartment in Los Angeles).
We grabbed a ridiculous candelabra, a skull, and we made MAGIC.
Note: The Captions are the REAL Captions on the OkCupid profile.
So Who Responded To This Absurd Character?
NO ONE. Not one single person.
As we conducted the experiment we quickly learned that women do not reach out to men very often.
And since we created RULES about the experiment…
Rule 1: Don’t Start Conversations
We couldn’t start conversations with other people. “Regular” people had to initiate conversations with our crazy characters.
In other words, if people were drawn to our UNDATEABLE character profiles enough to message us, then we could message back. But we weren’t going to seek out random people.
And, sadly, there wasn’t enough Magic in the world for the ladies to be drawn to MagicMarkTron.
What If You Switch The Sexual Preferences Of The Characters?
Good Question. That’s exactly what we did. We felt that the male characters were hilarious.
Come on — MagicMarkTron works at an animal shelter and spins goth records around town? Who IS this guy?
Plus, he’s a good looking dude! We NEEDED him to get messages.
So we changed his status:
And it worked. Because…
Men Always Send The Most Messages.
Suddenly MagicMarkTron was getting a new life!
Ok. We’re not going to pay to Upgrade to A-List. But we ARE happy that people like Mark now.
So What Did people say?
REAL Verbatim Dialogue.
Here are some of the messages MagicMarkTron received.
Let’s just get this one out of the way.
Okay, dude. Is this e.e. cumming’s version of swearing?
Crap. I know I just set myself up for a “cumming” pun. Fu k me.
Some people were into Mark. FINALLY.
Why thank you. I AM an interesting man! Wish YOU had a profile pic!
YES! These guys have pics. And they’re all Super fit.
Surfer at the beach…
This guy’s playing frisbee or something.
At least he wants to “witness” the magic!
Thanks Bathroom Mirror Selfie, dude!
We always got people who were into the character specifics…
Poor MagicMark… been doing magic for 12 years but still hasn’t been seen by the public.
Hm. No response back?…
And there were always people who tugged at my heart strings.
Aww…! He’s adorable. Not to overt. And I love that the told us he’s heading to bed. Night, night!
But then it hits a little too close to home…
Oh my God! I hate this! That sounds exactly like something I would type when I would second guess myself in relationships.
Basically, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was trying to be nice and clever. But if YOU think I did something wrong, then I probably did. And I want you to notice me but I don’t want to be a bother, which is SO clearly am. To Everyone. To the WORLD! Tell me how to TYPE!!!
I mean, I’m sure this guy’s not as crazy as I am. But that’s what would be going through MY head if I typed that.
Ok. Gotta be nice to this guy. He’s a sweetheart.
Ugh. I’m still worried about this guy. He seems so sweet and I think he thought Mark was a real person. Time to cut things off nicely. But, man, this stuff gets me.
And then it started to get a little TOO innuendo-y. And the Magic was gone…
We’ll Leave You With This One…
That’s what we get for saying that we’re looking for someone aged 20-85. Hey, we have to stick to our word!
Once we changed Mark’s sexuality to seeking Men he got some messages.
But only 22 TOTAL.
Compared to the messages the female characters got (In the hundreds within days) this wasn’t too encouraging.
Sorry, guys. We know it’s hard out there!
The above stats mean:
- 57 People viewed the profile
- 35 People “Liked” it
- 10 New Messages.
So Mark didn’t fare too well in the online dating world. What do you think?
Would YOU Message MagicMarkTron?
What would you say? Comment below!
And stay tuned for another UNDATEABLE character Next Week!