“That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
Ah, William Shakespeare…Would it? WOULD IT? Because in the year 2016 where people meet online BEFORE they meet in person, a profile name could be Killer (as in awesome, “I’m in mad mental lust with this person already”) or KILL (as in send your potential soul mate racing to block your profile forever. Done. Dead. OVER.).
Some were clever and maybe a little too cute…
Some were crass…
Love2GivUPlesure (but also love to misspell “pleasure”)
Some were desperate…
And some were just confusing…
A wolf made out of pumpkins? A wolf who loves to eat pumpkin? A jack o’lantern carved to look like Taylor Lautner? What IS this?
I mean I’m guessing a shark who likes tarts. Or is tart? Or a SweeTART shaped like a shark?
It’s pretty clear this guy loves to give or receive wedgies. And also clear that I don’t want to date him.
Just a giant group of unintelligent people, I’m guessing? Or someone who hates the HBO series.
This sounds lewd and I don’t know why…
Ok. I kinda like this one. It made me laugh. I might date this guy. Plus, it made me think of Paul Rudd. And who doesn’t love Paul Rudd?
And now I’m just confused again.
I mean this is what you’re leading with, people?!?! But that’s the point. You choose what you lead with on OkCupid.
Someone who tries too hard to be romantic like “JustHaventMetHerYet”or “ItOnlyTakesOne” might be the perfect match for another crazy “Notebook” “Casablanca” “A Walk To Remember” loving romantic. But a repellant to a more cynical person who might prefer the name “Sarcasmo”.
I know many of these might be jokes, but…
I want to analyze what these profile names might mean
…because before I meet you I’ve already invented an entire story about you. So choose carefully.
In the case of my original character…
…it’s pretty clear. It’s a girl named Tracy. Who loves cats. That’s it. And you see by her profile that the name is spot on.
But then you might be looking for a one night stand and stumble upon “Horny4ULongTime” who then proceeds to talk about what a loving father he is to his three children and that he spends his days practicing charity and feeding the homeless. Not that someone can’t be horny and do those wonderful things. But maybe that’s not what you should lead with?
If you’re really struggling to come up with a name. Or if “TotallyNiceGuy” is taken, you can just add a number to it and it can become “TotallyNiceGuy1”. Congrats, buddy! You’re the first (but really second, if you think about it) Totally Nice Guy out there!
Another thing OkCupid does is they help you out by suggesting suffixes.
So if you’re having trouble coming up with a name or your profile name is already taken, here are some more OkCupid approved suffixes.
So a simple name like Andy becomes “Andythecat_taco”. Or, with me, I can be “Robyninabox” “Robyninator” “Robynthetank” or “Robynfromspace” Totally weird, totally badass, way less boring than my real name.
And in the case of some of the characters we created for the experiment this became very handy. “MrNightLife” (a douchey guy who loves hitting up all the clubs and hotspots) became…
Perfect. Because everyone loves the word “Tron” as it implies robots. And it helped me write the character…
When I wanted to write an old-timey character who worked at a historical museum and never broke character, I couldn’t just call her “Pioneer”. Too BORING. Luckily, OkCupid suggested the suffix “inabox” (this seems so random to me. And maybe that’s the point?) So she became…
I mean, why is she in a box? Are lots of people in boxes? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. But it’s funny.
Anyway, I digress.
The point is, if you’re choosing a name, think about what it will mean to the people reading it — the people who don’t know you yet! And how you might interpret it if the shoe were on the other foot. If it’s ridiculous and weird and you stand by it, more power to you. You’ll find your perfect match. But…just think about it.
And let’s keep those creative names coming.
In future posts I will select my favorite audience member profiles to feature. And psychoanalyze. And possibly judge (but in a loving way). So send them to us. Or write yours below.
Also, we’ll have more on those Undateable characters I touched on above in future posts. (I know you’re DYING to see what MrNightLifeTron looks like. Hint, he’s super HOT. Totally douchy. Totally my type.)